Mission Counter: Final

Last trip out today. We went to the Aruba market to check on the progress of some of the reconstruction there. It's coming along nicely. Though I had no hand in it, it makes me feel good to see. It's the new guys' mission now. Their truck, their terps. Seems like they'll be more successful than we were, since the new infantry team seems solidly in favor of doing things the right way. Plus they're a good CA group, even though they're not CA. This job doesn't really require much in the way of skills, but it does require intelligence.

Now for the long road home.

Mission Counter 16

I conducted both of our team's missions last week. Maybe they snuck out on one without me, I dunno.

Nor do I care, because the new team is here. They seem reasonably intelligent, and motivated. Their team sergeant comes off as a stickler for the rules/rank structure, but whatevs. Hopefully they'll be able to do a little bit with the new infantry bubbas, more than we were anyways. Although...ominous rumors that the new commander is as bad as or worse than the old one...

Fuck it. Six days left on FOB Normandy.

Mission Counter 15

Oops, almost missed last week. Two of three.

Mission Counter 14

My team conducted five missions this week. I took part in three of them. If only they weren't so meaningless, I'd feel accomplished.

On Justice

I believe that there is right, and there is wrong. If I have to suffer to make that mean something, then I will do so gladly. It is only through suffering that the great changes of the world are effected. Ghandhi, MLK Jr., Jesus (even though I don't really believe in the guy except as a pretty cool dude), Mandela. These are the moral exemplars that I believe in.

Oh God No Wonder We're Losing

I just sat in on a meeting with the battalion commander and the local qaim'maqam. The American was insulting, condescending, demanding, and his behavior was clearly motivated by self-interest. Everything I have ever learned about negotiation, diplomacy, governance, and development militates against this man's position of importance. I don't know if this is typical for the US military, but if it is, we need to leave Iraq immediately.

Mission Counter 13

Hey, got busy, sorta. 4 missions this week, and I made it on half of them.

And then there was that time we drove these dipshits halfway across the province so they could attend a ceremony at the main base. Fuck you.

Mission Counter 12

Every single one of our missions was canceled this week. Are you surprised?

Somebody's Bright Idea of Politics

The Army is uniquely ill-equipped for negotiating with civilians, it would seem. Certain elements seem all gung-ho about canceling all our civil affairs missions (not that we really had any in the first place) in order to send a message to the Iraqis that they should cooperate with our operations or they won't get any projects done. This inane attempted threat will completely fail to work, for three reasons:

1. We have done essentially no projects to date. You can't effectively threaten to take away something that the other player doesn't believe you were ever going to give.
   
2. The Iraqi leadership doesn't care if we don't go out to try to get projects, because they want us out anyways.
3. And because not only do they want us out, but they hold all the legal means to make us stay out, we are in a severe position of weakness going into this negotiation. Acting like we hold all the cards is a recipe for nothing but failure. (Mixed metaphors FTW.)

Just another reason to say: Fuck the Army

Mission Counter 11

ZERO. YAY SOVEREIGNTY.

Unprofessionalism

In my time with this team, one of my bosses has been consistently insulting towards my other boss. He willfully misinterprets the actions and statements of the latter to cast him in the worst possible light, and then uses these misinterpretations to denigrate him. While the man is indeed a poor communicator and often makes poor decisions, there is a difference between pitching him shit for this--a fairly standard behavior for a soldier--and attacking him at every turn.

This morning, I had the audacity to call him on yet another one of these incidents. He apparently took offense. But instead of dealing with the issue then and there, as we all stood in the hallway, he conducted a behind-closed-doors conference with the man he was just casting aspersion upon and directed him to counsel me for disrespecting his rank. I don't know why; I'm sure his stated reason would be that the other is my first-line leader, while he is one step above. And I could understand it if he were not in my direct chain of command. But as is, it is a pathetic commentary that he feels the urge to flee from the hard duty of correcting someone you think is wrong.

The bottom line is this: If you want the soldiers under your command to respect you, you should start by respecting the soldiers under your command. Anything else is pathetically unprofessional.

Mission Counter 10/SOFA

I didn't leave the base once this week. We allegedly had a brigade-ordered standdown this week to show that we respect the sovereignty of the Iraqi people as the status of forces agreement forces us out of their cities. Of course, since my job entails almost nothing but going into cities...

But naturally, the idiot leadership of the battalion to whom I am attached decided to send people out anyways. One platoon got kicked off an Iraqi Army base, another got told not to return to a certain village. It's all quite hilarious. For better or worse, it's their country now.

Mission Counter 9

Two and one, deja vu.

Haha...Oh Wow.

Boss asks to use my clippers to trim his sideburns...fine, weirdo, okay.

He proceeds to plug the 120V appliance into the 240V outlet.

Durrrrrrr...

Distilling the Deployment

"Sorry, there's not enough room on the trucks. You'll have to stay back today."

In other words, "We don't need you."

Mission Counter 8

2 missions, one I was on. And all I did was drive.

This is getting ridiculous.

What an Eventful Day

• Went out as a team for the first time in a month.
  
• Broke one of the 2x4s that holds up the PVC "wire mitigation system" on our truck.
• Climbed around on top of the truck making field expedient repairs on said system, with just my 9mm.
  
• Went manual on a turret that insisted on slowly turning clockwise.
• Blew up an allegedly un-blow-uppable battery. (Huffing acid fumes for 4 hours for the lose.)
  
• Saw my first Iraqi fire truck.
• NAPTIME!
  

Soldiers are Dumb

Seriously. A Peep-eating contest? How could you possibly imagine that would turn out well?

Mission Counter 7

3 and 1. Of course things must grind to a halt again. It's the natural order. Whatevs.

Mission Counter 6

4/2. And wow, that's a right proper sandstorm that just rolled in.

Facepalm

No, guys, that's not how rule of law works. Just because everybody thinks they're insurgents, and you're an ex-insurgent that we're paying to provide security, doesn't mean you get to shoot them.

For serious.

What the hell.

Jackasses.

Mission Counter 5

5/4. Hope, but doubt, that I'll be able to do something about these dude's bridge.

I Need a Hug/Mission Counter 4

We are sub 100 days here. There was a brief glimmering of hope earlier this week, when we managed to do 7 missions in 4 days. But today was just shit heaped upon idiocy heaped upon the fucking douchebag attitudes of so many fucking assholes in this military. I have no pride in my service here.

Political Statements

A conversation via proxy:

Ops NCO: "Why did you do so bad on your PT test?"

Me: "The Army has put minimal effort into letting me do my job, so I'm going to give it minimal effort right back."

Ops NCO: "We gotta get you in some meetings or something."


...lol.

Mission Counter 3

2 this week, I was on none.

Mission Counter 2

Three this week. (I was on one.)

Fuck You

You are a command sergeant major, the highest rank that an enlisted soldier can attain. Much like my sergeant major, you have managed, through your nearly 30 years of alleged "service," to dodge every deployment up to this point. Despite your blatant incompetence, you have been selected for your position over those who can do the job because you have spent slightly more time in this shitbag organization.

This does not, however, mean that you are morally permitted to put my life and the lives of my buddies on the line so that you can have fucking curbside service at the fucking airport when you come off leave. You do not have anything important to do here; I've never seen you do anything but promulgate retarded directives for FOB uniform/conduct/policies. And when we do come to pick your useless ass up, you do not get to bitch at me for doing my job just because you are dazed and confused.

FUCK. YOU.

Mission Counter

2 this week.

More Politics

Nothing came of the warrants, unsurprisingly. (If you wield any power in opposition to an important member of the Iraqi Police, you probably have a warrant out on you or have been actually detained at one point.) So the Shia have coalesced behind the IP chief, while the Sunnis favor the Qada (county) engineer.

And so there's a big argument, wasting an entire council session, over some procedural quibbles under the new provincial powers law that would exclude the former. Eventually they voted, and since the Sunnis have a majority on the council, they won that battle.

Imagine that.

Upgraded!

Or is it downgraded...we went and traded in our old trucks for new trucks, bigger trucks, with more armor, that weigh 6.5 tonnes more. They kinda suck. Everything that was kinda unslow about the old one is now MEGASLOW. Doors open, on a good day, in 5-6 seconds. Have to floor it almost constantly to keep up with the Strykers. And it's got all kinds of little quirks, like dash lights randomly going out, refusing to open, it's a joy.

Not only that, but I just spent 3.5 hours rearranging the equipment inside. Not a big deal, except that about 2 of those were spent looking for the last goddamn lock. Still have no idea where it is. Rigged up an ugly, ugly solution.

Man this job sucks.

Halfway Point, Mk. 2

I just hit the 3 year mark on my six year contract. Yay pay raise.

Iraqi Politics

So, the city council chairman got elected to the provincial council. Somebody has to take charge until the city council elections. The state department guy here stands up and recommends the city engineer for the job, since he gets shit done. Sure, fair enough. The mayor also seems interested, and since he gets shit done too, that's cool.

But of course, there's one rich fuck sitting on the council who doesn't contribute a damn thing, but wants the job. So what does he do? Gets together with the IP general and has warrants issued for the arrest of the engineer and mayor. Charges? Who needs charges? Just keep them in jail or in hiding until I get elected to be the chairman.

Fuck you, Iraq.

Thunderstorm

Got one rolling in. You have no idea how RIGHT it feels to get rained on.

Some of the Things

I wanted to be when I grew up.

Basketball Referee
Computer Game Programmer
Electrical Engineer
Tour Guide
Nanotechnology Researcher
President
Criminal Mastermind
Doctor
Volunteer Firefighter
UN Diplomat
Policy Analyst

Not Cool

Somebody came up with the idea to shave our heads as a team thing. Since I didn't feel like going to the barber and spending money on something I can and have done myself before, I did so while the other three went to the barber. But they bitched out on the last part! All they did was buzz it, while I spent 45 minutes biccing my damn skull.

This is unacceptable. My morale has just hit all-time lows.

No Fucking Off In Sector

No chai, no lunch. That's what the company commander of the platoon we went out this morning with told us yesterday.

We spent about 15 minutes on the road swerving back and forth trying to get a piss bottle off.

We're So Short-Handed

The Army can't send any more people who know how to do my job. They're retraining an entire chemical company. WTF.

Halfway Point

It's all downhill from here, baby.

Bad Profiteer. No Cookie.

So, the past few days have been hell, spent dealing with issues caused by one particular contracting company responsible for our interpreters. Apparently, one of our guys tested positive for tuberculosis in his last physical. He was one of seventeen out of the brigade. So what do they do? Well, like any warm-blooded American corporation, they decided to fire them. Unless of course, they can go to Baghdad with one of us in tow to escort them, and pay $45-55 for an examination to prove that they're asymptomatic. Of course, it's not terribly difficult to tell that someone is asymptomatic with TB; not coughing up blood, for example, is a pretty good indicator.

It's just more evidence in the case against the whole rotten system. When I went in to talk to their field manager, he acted like I was intruding, wondering aloud why people kept coming in when all the necessary information was on the email. I'm sorry Mr. Contractor man, I didn't get that email list. Is there a time I can come back when you're not PMSing? And then of course, he gave me a big story about how he didn't want us Army types to think they're screwing our terps, the damn gutsy people without whom we cannot do our jobs. After all, he says, if this happened in the States, wouldn't you expect the same thing to happen.

Well, no. I don't think people would get automatically laid off if they tested positive on an error-prone diagnostic. Especially if they were vaccinated. Especially if they were asymptomatic. And especially without their employer helping them to get checked out. You know that whole (admittedly flawed) employer-based health care system we have? Yeah. In fact, I'm pretty sure you'd get sued if you tried something like this in the States.

But maybe I'm just being too cynical. Maybe they're really concerned about people's health, not their bottom line. Maybe they're not just looking for easy ways to shave their payroll now that operations here are winding down.

I hate this country. I hate this base. I hate my boss(es). I hate my colleagues. I hate the circumstances. I hate our nonexistent mission. I hate the bullshit tasks I'm given, and the lack of resources and information to carry them out.

Most of all, I hate that I let it get to me. I just want to make a difference...

Achoo

I swear, I get sick more while playing soldier than at any other time/place/dimension. The Army is a virulent disease-bearing organism. Stay away!

Professionalism

As an organization, the US Army banks heavily on its reputation for professionalism. We are much-admired for our ability to get shit done, regardless of personal feelings. After all, here I am, a man who in another life marched in protests against this war, fighting in it. Of course, like many of the ways in which this organization is perceived, it is wildly overstated. I realize that uncomfortably close proximity to someone, working with them every day for 5 months and counting, can grate a little. Hell, I don't like my team lead very much. But when someone is so incapable of sucking it up and finding ways to deal with their interpersonal conflicts that the command here has to reshuffle the teams and fuck up everyone else's operations and rythym...that's just pathetic.

Maybe I'm Not Useless

Why does contributing one tiny little overlooked fact about the upcoming elections to one inconsequential discussion make me feel like I've accomplished more than the last three months in total?

Outreach

There's several women who work at the city center here that have asked my interpreter to get American hair and beauty care products for him. Apparently, Iraqi versions of same are...shit. If he does this, he will have singlehandedly done more for Iraq than my team has done in the three months we've been here.

That is all.

My First Engagement

I actually got to do some CA work today. Crazy. We were out at the Mayor's office for a service managers meeting, and I was sitting outside pulling security. PSYOP rolls up and says hey, got some CA stuff for you. "Oh...kay." I go upstairs and listen to a couple council members and a deptuy mayor bitch about microgrants. Too bad for them we're not doing them anymore. Still, gonna check on the ones they already have in. Hopefully they're not one of the many that can't be funded. Damned oil economies.

I Shoulda Been A PI

Seriously. Investigating things is fun. I just spent all morning running around trying to figure out where and how thing X got fucked up. It was supposed to be changed yesterday, but wasn't. Why? Well, the big bosses here on post didn't send the information out properly. (Last week.) Yet our company headquarters continues to insist that it wasn't supposed to be changed, despite the fact that I just tried old X, and it didn't work...but new X did. Facts don't lie, folks.

"As a man of faith I am bound by a different covenant that Doctor Arroway. But our goal is one and the same: The pursuit of truth. I for one believe her."

-Palmer Joss, played by Matthew McConaughey, "Contact"

The Nature Of Reality

I think the one thing that aggravates me more than anything about people in general is the tendency to find simple, reductive explanations for everything. It's not only depressingly uncurious, but leads to a lot of poor decisionmaking. There are countless causes for a single effect. NOTHING could happen how it does without millions upon millions of variables being precisely as they are. The physical world, and doubly, triply, many times so when you involve human beings, is an inherently complex system. Stop pretending things are simple.

Happy New Year

Party hard, yo. Or I'll have to come kick your ass.