Refuseniks

So you're just not gonna do your weekly report, eh? You're gonna blow off not just our battalion operations section, but me, who's spent hours with them trying to get a clear picture of what exactly they're expecting from me and you and all your fellow team leaders.

So that you can go show a video to some kids. You can't have your team do it while you do your job. You can't even be bothered to read the guidance I send out, which would put the lie to your bullshit arguments about how much work you actually have to do.

Or maybe you did read it, but didn't understand it, and are too goddamn prideful to call me and ask questions. Because you have a fucking doctorate, you must know every goddamn thing.

Fucking officers.

Poignant, poetic, painful parentheticals

"After leaving PECOS the team stopped by a rain water catchment in CORVETTE to see if rain from the evening prior had filled the catchment (it had not)."

I walk past a Marine captain, salute him.

He says, "Thanks."

How do you respond to that?

Too Many Expenses Paid!

I just discovered our budget for travel vouchers for the rest of the fiscal year is less than $2000.

Double plus ungood.

All Expenses Paid

Is it really that unreasonable to expect someone, upon being sent on a business trip to another country, to bring their company credit card to pay for expenses?

When you go to Africa...

...you wouldn't expect having a guy who speaks Japanese to be all that useful, do you?

You'd be wrong.

The tubes never forget

So, I was recently asked to do some paperwork on our weapons qualifications. I had most of the data, from Fort Hunter Liggett when the bulk of us qualified, but unfortunately never got copies of the info from Fort Dix.

So I wracked my brain trying to remember, until I remembered that I'd put up a post here about it.

Fuck yeah, intertubes.

Water Fountains?

We seriously did a project to build water fountains here? In what universe did that seem like a good idea?

Dr. Wafel Zinraal's Diary, July 9

One of the scout teams was very nearly incinerated by an enormous blast of fire bursting forth from the ground. I initially feared that this may be a new Shivan weapon system, but no others have been assaulted in such a manner. Their Flame Tech suggested that it was likely mere volcanic activity, but these badlands aren't known for such things. I fear for what this may mean going forward, either way. We must find a way to the front soon.

So we're your cover story?

In the recently-relayed-to-me words of a fairly high ranking officer, our Ethiopian teams are mostly there to justify the force protection assets being there. Said force protection assets are also apparently the primary source of intel in the area.

Fuck all y'all. Our mission's just as important.

Things the Army's taught me

In chronological order:

1. How to fire a weapon accurately

2. How to not give a shit

3. How to drive a stick-shift

In my line of work, we call this MEANINGLESS FUCKING FLUFF:

"Food was plentiful and rapidly consumed by the guests. Two large sheet cakes with the USA and Djibouti flags were presented and eaten. A video featuring America was presentation to the guests." THE GENERAL DOES NOT CARE. THE AMBASSADOR DOES NOT CARE. I DO NOT CARE. DO NOT PUT THIS SHIT IN YOUR REPORT.

Dr. Wafel Zinraal's diary, 5 July

A tempest blew over our encampment last night with no warning. There was no time to bring the observation balloon down, but Ensign Graver in charge of the bucket was quick-witted enough to cut the lines and keep abreast of the storm. They're still a half-dozen nautical miles out, but working their way back. We did have a bit of flooding on the ground, and two of our automated Teslatic cannons shorted out. Guards have been doubled until they're repaired.

Bureaucrazy

Why in the world does it make sense to have two people on duty, but each of them can only file the liberty/pass paperwork for part of the personnel on post? There's a petty officer sitting next to me who handles those assigned to Camp Lemonnier itself, while I'm responsible for those who're part of the combined joint task force that operates here. Efficiency, motherfucker, can you speak it?

Taxpayer Funded Tourism

I finally managed to get off this military base and see Djibouti a bit. Interesting sights... I thought Iraq was bad, but now I realize it was mostly just blown up. There are vast swathes of Djibouti City that're just corrugated metal shanties. People sitting in the middle of goddamn nowhere along the highway, perhaps taking a break under the only tree in sight as they walk kilometers for water. World War Two-era Italian bunker complexes in the hills out towards Ethiopia. Huge plains, here at the mouth of the Great Rift Valley, covered in barren volcanic rock. And then long stretches of sandy nothingness, our trucks staggered into the wind to keep from blinding each other in clouds of dust. Djiboutian military convoy, Panhard AMLs and HMMWVs, trucking along. A pickup with the ubiquitous flame decals flipped upside down in a ditch. A dumped shipping container filled with broken glass.